I almost feel bad for not crying…. almost
So at 22 I’m experiencing the first death of someone related to me. Well not really, my maternal gma died when I was 5 so I don’t remember much. I guess this is the first death of a relation I can remember. My mom called the house earlier and let Colleen and myself know that our father’s dad died.
Oddly enough, seeing as I’m a very emotionally able person, I can’t work up any emotion over this. As much as my father and I don’t get along (understatement much?) I do feel sad for his loss. But that’s it.
I mean, how do you mourn someone you don’t know? When I was about 6 or 7 my paternal grandparents decided they disliked my mom so much that they cut of communication with our family. Their dislike of her was so strong they didn’t even try to keep in touch with their grandkids. It’s almost as if they hated our mom more than they loved us. Even as I write this I feel like this fact should make me angry. But after 17 years it’s a moot point. I accepted years ago that they just weren’t part of my life. Maybe if they had cut us out of their lives when I was older I would feel hurt by this. I really can’t say their actions hurt me since I have no memories of them.
I feel like I’m expected to be sad over this. Yet, how am I going to feel sad when it feels like ive been told that it’s someone else’s grandfather who died? Yes, it’s always sad when someone dies. Especially when they leave behind family.
I’m not cold and heartless. There’s just no relationship that exsists between him and I for me to mourn the loss of.
I think it’s normal. I know how you feel.
nothing to be ashamed of here. no relationship = no nothing. and that’s okay.
there’s nothing worse than people expecting you to act a certain way in these instances.
i see it as a normal respons. i had an uncle die when i was in high school. id met him once or twice but all before the age of 5 and i was sad for his wife and kids and maybe cried a little but im a crier thats what i do. but i was not mourning anything for myself. u r normal elise.