parenting…..
I’d eventually like to have kids. Part of me worries i’ll end up being a horrible parent simply because of the example that has been set for me. As a note to myself i’m going to listen things i shouldn’t do as a parent. In quite a few years i’ll come back and re-read this to remind myself….
1. don’t hit your kids
2. don’t yell at your kids
3. don’t react in anger. cool off then punish
4. don’t throw things at them… vacuums, shoes, food, toys, video tapes, etc
5. don’t tell them they’re worthless. this includes how you treat them and via snide comments
6. never call them dumb, stupid, moronic, idiot, brainless, retarded, or any other form thereof
7.never have double standards or favor one child over the other
8. don’t tell them to help around the house and then not do anything yourself
9. don’t tell them that what they feel is wrong. you can’t change how they feel or choose their feeling for them
10. let them make their own decisions. if you dont when they become adults they won’t be able to function
11. once they’re 18 grounding isn’t an option. it’s now called holding someone against their will and can land you in jail
12. don’t allow them to drink in your house if under 21
13. instead of belittling and judging how your child is different from you, encourage and appreciate it. they’re not going to be your mini me no matter what you do
14. treat you child as a fellow person, not as someone who belongs to oyu and must do everything you want.
15. when your child becomes an adult treat them as such. would you talk to them and act that way towards your friends? if the answer is no don’t treat your kid like that
I have read this over many times now and it makes me very sad. In a sense I do feel like what you have written is what you do now want to do to your kids. Yet at the same time it looks to me like a list of unsettled issues inside. I will say I have no idea about your life, and I do not know what you have done to handle these issues, but this list is full of hurt and pain and it is very sad to read.
Sadly as you probably know we all get a part of our parents, and that can be good or bad. There are things about my dad I would love to have, and there are things about my mom I can only dream to have. At the end though it is my choice to treat my kids with the best of my knowledge. We can let our parents dictate our lives or we can choose to stand for ourselves and let God lead us through life.
So I do hope and pray you are healing or have healed from everything you have gone through. Again I do not know where you are at where you have been or anything for the matter. I simply felt the need to say something and if it helps then awesome, if it is something you just glance over and move on to the next thing then that is perfectly fine. I just wanted to share with you.
-Dustin